Riff - Your Mighty Leeder

ello!!

i am riff dats inportant that you nose that cos i am mitey an i am ur leeder but u probally nose that anyways but if u is a bit of a fool an u wants to be less of a fool an lurn more about me an this site then u are on the rite page wel dun haf a chuft baj an this is my story proper and an explanashun as to why this crayzee site exists









dis is me as a little meeper i was tiny wen my mum bought me frum a pet shop i am not tiny now but here i am very tiny an i am six weeks old an mi burfday is 3rd july an i had a bit of a cold wen mum bought me an she bought me cos i looked like her firs eva rat called riffraff who were tha daddy!






dis is me a bit older an i was still bein good here mi mum fort i was goin to be no trubble cos i was very well behaved but two minnits after dis pichur was taken...








...i started gettin all grumpily like wot you can see here. it were arownd dis time i firs started gettin faymus becos mi mum had a websight and i wrote a column called tiny little riff an i wroted mi general observashuns cos i am smart an portant






but fayme started goin to mi hed an i started finkin i cud do wot i wanted cos i had fans an here i am bein norty trying to grab sum puddin









as i got bigger i reelised i was destinied to be da big boss rat after dat baldric but mallo wos bigger dan me so i had to put him in his plaice an show him who da boss an dis is me showin him hoo da boss!







i started bein so norty dat mi mum gave me a blog so dat i cud be not bored speshally as dat baldric had to live in annuver cayge cos he was violent an i was nortee i promis dis is not me cuddlin teddy bare dis is me bitin him!






an sumtimes mi mum is meen so i fretten dem by pretendin to examin da wirin so wun day i mite corse a lecktrickal falt











mi blog got faymus so a fan club was setted up an i got a girlfrend called nigma hoo is preettee but day still tuk mi tezzercals away dem darn norty fairiees an dis is me lukin for my tezzercals have u seen dem?









sumtimes mum punishes me by givin me barths so i pee on her an frow poos wiv my hands










an its ok to beg for yoggies u shud get used to beggin like i is here for u must beg for mercy an absolution from mi forcos i am da divine bennivyolant onerable riff!

20 Things you didn't know about Riff

1. Riff knows where Wally is.
2. Riff CAN do the Fandango.
3. Riff knows how much wood a woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
4. Riff has the eye of the tiger.
5. Riff can slam a revolving door.
6. Riff knows the meaning of life. But he's not telling you.
7. The only reason there is night is because Riff turns the sun down when it gets too hot.
8. Riff doesn't sleep. He plots.
9. Riff can make bananas grow straight just by staring at them.
10. Riff puts the mites in all animal bedding.
11. Stonehenge was built was because Riff needed somewhere to hang his hammock.
12. Daleks CAN go upstairs if Riff makes them.
13. Riff invented song.
14. Riff's got milk.
15. Riff is too cool for school.
16. If Riff was to be opened up in surgery, all of his organs would be in alphabetical order.
17. Riff's a little tea-pot.
18. The reason rubies are red is because red is Riff's favourite colour.
19. Riff writes novels under the name Stephen King.
20. Yoggies were originally runny but they're solid because they froze with fear the first time they heard Riff's name.